Frustration

Man, it’s getting so frustrating and sad.  God, wake us up from the blindness we have of Your kingdom and the true reality.  We’ve become so numb to sin, thinking that we’re going to be just fine the way we’re living when the truth is we won’t be.  i ask that You be genuinely real to us, that we would really fear You again and stop pleasing our flesh.  i confess i fall short every moment and i am truly thankful for Your love and mercy on me.  Continue to mold me day by day.  What David Wilkerson said in his sermon on “Anguish” was true, that we’ve become hateful to reproof and correction.  When a brother or sister is correcting us out of love, we turn it around and ask why he or she is judging us, that we are human and not perfect, etc.  If that’s the case, is there an effort and desire to seek more and pray?  What frustrates me and many who are seeing, is the fact that we can’t teach or tell people the “unsugar-coated” truth.  That if they do not strive for true relationship with God, He is not going to use us until we do…and what’s sad is that we don’t.  It’s true, the more we pray/seek/desire Him, the more He is going to show us His heart and the more we will be used by Him, the more we will stand firm in faith, the more we will want more of Christ.  There is so much to be done still, and i hope we can really snap out of our lukewarmness, blindness to reality, and numbness to sin and really go after what’s real, what’s good, and what our salvation and true purpose is.  i am not perfect to these things either, and nobody will really ever be, but what separates christians are the ones who are faithful and see how real God is and those who are just going with the flow, having one foot for God and the other in the world with no fear in sinning.  Again, i want to say this out of love, that we need to wake up to the true reality of Christ’s kingdom.

Appreciation

God, i know it’s cause You love us and that we can never comprehend the ways You work, but i just wonder why You did all that You’ve done and what You are doing to this day.  You could’ve prevented adam and eve from falling into sin but it was Your love in giving them free will to make their choices.  You didn’t have to come down to earth to live as one of us, but You did so to serve and show how much You care and love us, despite our unworthy conditions.  You didn’t need to use anybody to spread Your gospel, You could’ve done that with a single breath, yet You allow the weak to lead the strong.  You could’ve let mankind suffer eternal punishment, yet Your death on the cross redeemed us from that.  You could also have wiped out all creation and started all over if You wanted to, but Your plan is perfect and You are faithful to the end.  You are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  Our redemption is worth so much and we take it for granted.  We turn our backs from You constantly, yet You never leave our side.  Time and time again You pick us up when we fall, yet when it happens again we forget who You are and fall away thinking we can do it on our own strength.  The generation has lost fear in You and have grown too comfortable with life.  There’s so much that needs to be done yet we haven’t really awakened to that reality.  God…break us…break me more so that i can hunger and seek more of Your heart’s desire.  Keep this generation a prayerful one, starting with our fellowships/whoever’s around us.  Reality is, You really don’t need us at all.  You can fix the craziness of the world with just a snap.  But You are merciful, full of grace and infinite love and patience.  Thank You that You have secured a way for us, so that we wouldn’t need to suffer for eternity, but be with You in heaven.  There is truly no one like You.  A powerful almighty God who chooses to love and want to be with us who are just dirt compared to Him.  In His eyes we are still beautiful and that’s how unexplainable God is.  How can we not love Him and want to be with Him?  May You continue to unify Your church and prepare us day by day.  We belong to You and await the day You take us back home…

Another Time Waster I Got Tagged In…sigh

Are you ready for some questions that you barely find in other surveys?
meh…

You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, any problems?
pshhh

Do you walk around the house in your underwear?
only when there’s people around.

Would you ever get plastic surgery?
surgery is for the weak.

Have you ever caught a fish?
yes! i got two on the same day!

Have you ever looked someone straight in the eyes and told them a lie?
I did and they didn’t survive.

What was the last beverage you had?
Water.

When did you laugh last?
when something was funny that made me laugh.

Are you someone who worries too often?
No, just when others that are close to me worry too much or overreact to things will some of that burden me, but I can take it.

Could you go out in public, looking like you do now?
yes, I just did.

Did you wake up before 8 am today?
almost…at 11…which is still close.

Do you wear eyeliner?
no

Do you get mad easily?
Nope.  I get frustrated/irritated with inconsiderate people or friends.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?
sure, with numerous things, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a man.  true men know when to be pride-less.

Has anybody ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
yes, heard it since high school.

How do you feel about your hair right now?
i like it. don’t have to worry about how it looks.

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend?
mm same floor but i hope not same bed =O

Has anyone ever borrowed anything from you and never returned it?
all the time.  i wonder why i keep letting people borrow things i know won’t be returned.

Truth or dare always turns sexual, doesn’t it?
so far the people i’ve played with have kept it clean but it still gets asian crazy like swallowing hot sauce mixed with other things, or going outside and making a fool out of yourself, etc. not too bad right?

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
In high school…and I did =O

Is there anyone who doesn’t like you?
Of course, I doubt everyone I meet or have met will like me.

Do you think that you have made a difference in someone’s life?
until i see changes in that person’s lifestyle then sure, but i don’t take credit for it.  it was ultimately their decision to change.

Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast?
not too fast not too slow.

Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
not yet.

Where is your best friend right now?
sleeping?

Can you honestly say that you’re okay right now?
no. but i don’t have to worry about it cause God’s in me.

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
yea

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms?
not really, i guess when i was a baby in my parent’s arms?

Do you find it difficult to sleep on your stomach?
no

Is there someone you will never forget?
yea

Has anyone told you they loved you in the last week?
no, i’ve never gotten that from anyone, just jokingly.

Last time you were on the phone?
Just now.

How many pillows are on your bed?
One

What’s the longest you’ve ever talked on the phone?
i think 3 hours or so?

First person you tell your problems to?
doesn’t matter cause i end up in God’s mercy every time.

What are you wearing?
shirt/shorts…typical outfit of willis

Would you pay someone to kill the last person who hurt you most?
no, i’d do it myself >=D

Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
mm what’s there to understand?  it’s just me.

Do you want to fix anything with anyone?
i could but i don’t really have problems with anyone so far.

Have you ever had a girl best friend?
Not really, but there are some good friends that are girls.

What are you currently listening to?
Ginuwine “My Last Chance”

What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
so many random things.

If you walk by a mirror, do you stare at yourself?
only if i must see if someone’s sneaking up on me.

Do you like cottage cheese?
yes, it’s good with fruits

Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
no. i don’t think it’d be fun haha.

Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
mmm no.

Is your hair curly?
it gets wavy/curly when it’s long but right now no.

Last time you cried?
at a prayer meeting and retreat

Ever walked into a wall?
no but i’ve run into a tree ><

Do looks matter?
i think it does to a certain extent, but it’s not gonna tell everything about the person.  but for me there needs to be some outward attraction but if she’s in love and seeking god, that is most attractive, no joke.

Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun?
no, my stuff come from sports stores or…khol’s ><

Have you ever slapped someone?
just when playing around.

Do you own something from Hot Topic?
no

Ever been on a train?
not a real one, just metro.

If given a drug test right now, could you pass?
yea

Do you think anyone’s thinking about you right now?
i don’t know, probably not.

Is it usually easy for someone to make you smile?
usually yes.

Is your room ever clean?
if i don’t get lazy

How often do you give out second chances?
all the time.

Is there anyone you wish you could be spending time with right now?
friends in the west coast

If you could change your eye color would you?
i don’t know gray?

Would you ever get your nipples pierced?
that’s just wrong

Did you sleep alone last night?
Yes.

Has a boy/girl ever called you babe/baby?
yea

Does the last person you held hands with mean a lot to you?
don’t do it much except in activities involving hand holding so i guess not.

Will you cry at your wedding?
probably…jk…or not =O

Do you think relationships are even worth it?
it is if it’s for real and not just a fling or whatever.

Six months ago, did you like someone?
i think i was getting over it

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
too early to tell but sure

Last movie you saw in theaters?
Zombieland.

Ever dated a blond-haired, blue-eyed person?
no

Are you afraid of roller coasters?
no

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
late 20’s into 30’s?

What is something your friends make fun of you for?
everything

Are you a bad influence?
maybe

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
mm not at the moment

What was the last thing you hid?
myself…to scare people.

Who is the first person you would call if you needed help?
depends on what kind of help.  -fighting: MP
-someone to talk to: anyone
-financial: parents but only as very last resort.

Who is the last person you went out to eat with?
Been eating in mostly.

Do you find the opposite sex confusing?
sure

Who did you last pinky promise with?
nobody

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
i gotta pee.

What is something you disliked about today?
woke up with a sore dry throat.

Status of you and the last person to send you a text?
the Joo…she’s my homie.

Will you be in a relationship in the next month?
never

Do you ever wonder if the person standing next to you is a virgin or not?
no

If you were going to die in 10 seconds, what would be the last thing you said?
FREEDDOOMMMMM

Did you know anybody that has committed suicide?
yes, a couple.

Who do you go to for advice the most?
nobody really, about the same with everyone.

Abusive relationship: leave him/her or keep it a secret?
man, if i was getting abused that would be sad…but yes i’d leave it.

Can money buy happiness?
never

Do you think women should work or stay at home?
work some stay at home some, doesn’t matter for me.

What is the worst thing or most annoying thing to happen to you today?
Feeling a little sick is super annoying.

Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe?
mm not really.  i feel safer alone.

Did you kiss anyone today?
no

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough, you’ll get it?
yes

How many people do you 100% trust?
very few.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
nah

What do you think of guys who have girlfriends, but let other girls wear their hoodies?
depends on the situation.  if the girl has absolutely no other way of keeping warm then it’d be fine.  if not then i’d say no.

Have you ever liked someone that was in a relationship?
no, they’re off limits.

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
sure i don’t care, cause i would most likely never find out cause i’m bad at telling these things.

Do you think that you’re a good person?
only certain aspects of me.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
not sure, never had that experience.

Do you hate the last girl you were texting?
of course not

What was on your mind mostly today?
when i’ll hear back from the millions of jobs i’ve applied to this summer.

Do you miss anyone?
not really.

Do you like winter time?
yes

Did you ever lose a best friend?
not yet

Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
yes

Are your toe nails painted pink?
no

last message was from?
annah

Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
mm maybe…pretty close.

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
yes

Are you hungry for anything?
not yet

On average, how many times do you hit the snooze button in the morning?
maybe twice?

Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
no

What did you go to bed thinking about last night?
hope i don’t get sick tomorrow.

Do you ignore people when you’re mad/upset with them?
not too much.

Joanne got me!

1. Where is your cell phone? Next to my bed.

2. Your hair? Is finally short again.

3. Your mother? back at home

4. Your father? back at home

5. Your favorite food? Everything

6. Your dream last night? I don’t remember but recent ones have had people I know.

7. Your favorite drink? Milk, Water

8. Your dream/goal? To be saving lives, whatever it takes.

9. What room are you in? My room.

10. Your hobby? guitar, piano, listening/pirating music, basketball and other sports, lifting, movies, drawing, etc.

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Preparing for missions, wherever it may be.

13. Where were you last night? foxridge then terrace view.

14. Something that you aren’t? a girl.

15. Muffins? blueberry

16. Wish list item? a smarter brain.

17. Where did you grow up? falls church/centreville/herndon

18. Last thing you did? ate and did this.

19. What are you wearing? shorts, t-shirt, hoodie.

20. Your TV? old.

21. Your pets? dog and bunny.

22. Friends? good.

23. Your life? peaceful and enjoying the little things.

24. Your mood? good.

25. Missing someone? no.

26. Vehicle? whatever runs and saves gas.  right now i have a corolla.

27. Something you’re not wearing? girly stuff.

28. Your favorite store? sports stores, pet stores, anywhere that seems adventurous.

29. Your favorite color? blue or gray or black or some dark color.

30. When was the last time you laughed? just now.

31. Last time you cried? recently after praying.

32. Your best friend? I’d say Mike.  He always sacrifices for me, I mean always.

33. One place that I go to over and over? There’s no set place I go to all the time.  I don’t hang out with the same group of people either.  So i am a nomad =O

34. One person who emails me regularly? Nobody really.

35. Favorite place to eat? Anywhere that is filling enough and at a good price.

Power of Prayer

I am reminded that there’s still SO many things to be praying for these days…It truly would take a lifetime to do and there would still be more to pray about afterwards.  For real, the more we pray the more God’s gonna show His heart to us and we realize, “wow there’s so much that needs to be done.”  When things seem to be going into chaos, or when we feel there’s things we want to change but can’t be in control over, being faithful in prayer is the most crucial and most powerful way of interceding.  We tend to forget the power of prayer cause we want results quickly and swiftly instead of remembering it is in God’s timing, and that makes us fall away from a true prayer life.  Not getting what WE want and not being still and patient with God has made our prayers worthless and powerless.  Time and time again we cease to pray or get frustrated after not hearing or getting an answer at our convenience.  Of course there are a good number who have been so faithful in having patience and waiting on God, but what would happen if we all did this?  Imagine every individual having that prayerful life, how so much more can be done for Christ’s kingdom.  I’m getting a little extreme but I have such a hope in God that He will do awesome things just with the prayers of a few faithful servants.  Our hope is not in ourselves, not in others, not in our fellowships, but God Himself.  To see people give up in the fellowship they are involved in after seeing no results is truly a disappointment to me because they aren’t seeing the bigger picture, that their hope shouldn’t be the fellowship but in God and His will being done within it.  Hoping and trusting in a group of people will never suffice, but doing so in Christ will we always come through because He is victorious in us.  I truly believe being behind the scenes and praying whole-heatedly is the most influential way of serving in the body of Christ.  It is not about being in the front or about being that perfect leader.  Instead, we must be more open to reproof and correction from one another but more so from God.   Wow, I am getting a taste of how wonderful it is to be bearing the burdens of prayer, even though it really isn’t.  It’s a blessing.  Keep the faith alive!

whatever.

I’m not gonna care anymore.  I’ve done my part already so now all I can do is learn to trust and pray.  Being frustrated and such isn’t going to help.  I’m done trying to give advice and hoping it’d be followed or listened to cause as of now it doesn’t seem like it will any time soon.  I just hope you make the right decisions cause that’s all I can do now is to trust your judgments and see how things will work out.  Just know that if you are hurt in anyway, I will be there to comfort or to come down on whatever or whoever did it to you…you have my word.

And God, I need Your peace right now.  Thank You.

My mom told me last night that one of my younger cousins dropped out of school and left his family in Taiwan to go to New York, just as his oldest brother did.  Where he is I have no idea, I don’t even know where my oldest cousin (his brother) is either.  I just hope he is gonna be alright because his English is not that great coming from Taiwan and on top of that, he’s been sort of a loner for most of his life, not having many close friends.  All I can do is pray that there will be good people there that will help and who knows, introduce Christ to him?  This semester for me really seems to be about family doesn’t it?  I never knew I had it in me to care THIS much but I think it’s getting to that age now.  No matter how hard things get, i still put my faith and trust in You, no matter the outcome…

The Year Starts.

A new year finally starts.  I was dreading it for numerous reasons.  It is way too early to tell how this year’s gonna be,  but from the middle of summer I have felt a hope coming for CCF, whether it starts now or when I am gone from here.  There have been more major responsibilities put on me now since my sister is just starting her freshman year here.  I gotta work out my own finances for everything, and I mean everything now.  On top of that I need to make sure I don’t screw up in school this coming spring.  It will be hard but my prayer is to not let these things affect my walk with Christ because He deserves my whole being and all I have to offer Him, which isn’t much at all.  But it really hit me hard as I was praying tonight that letting my problems impede my prayer life and walk with God is selfish on my part.  My offering should be all of me to Him, not just part of me who is in spirit and another part who is affected by my problems and weaknesses.  As this semester goes on into the year, I hope and pray that everyone keeps this in mind: to make this year a year of encouragements and prayer, of reading the word and fellowshipping in a true way, of brokenness and healing, of consecration and repenting, of forgiveness and unity, and ALL about God.  If we can keep this up for a while at least, amazing things are going to come.  We need to wake up because time is running out.  Are you with me brothers and sisters?  Most importantly, are you with Him?  The love of God and grace of Christ be with you all…

Prayers

Getting back into prayer meetings these past two weeks here in Blacksburg, I’ve realized how much prayer needs to be done…how much MORE there is to pray about.  Ever since being in prayer ministry, there has been more things God has placed in my heart to pray for and in turn it has taught me and given me the opportunity to grow more.  Recently I’ve felt more burdens in my heart that I normally wouldn’t have cared about since they wouldn’t affect my personal life.  Obviously these things aren’t coming from my head or out of being a “nice” christian per say, but truly coming from God.  I don’t want to call them “burdens” but rather opportunities to have faith in what He will do with everything.  Despite having my own situations going on, in the end, all that doesn’t matter.  What matters is that I seek His kingdom first and what His will is.  To let the Spirit guide and lead in my life and to show that to others somehow.  This life isn’t about us and how we can be seen by others and take credit/glory, but rather it’s all glory to God.  Now that I realize that I have so much to be praying for, not just with my own life; but for the church, with ministries/leaders/certain individuals/and His work on this earth, there is a joy in me instead of feeling weighed down.

There’s a song by Hillsong called “You Hold Me Now” and the very last words that were sang was this prayer: “Your kingdom come,Your will be done here on earth as it is in heaven.”  This is where our prayer should be based.   Only on what Christ’s heart is after.  May we keep this in our whole being and may it be so real to us.

Dream Note

I’ve been having weird random dreams lately at random nights.  I am going to start noting them as they come.  Since I don’t keep a hand-written journal, I guess I’ll do it on this.

I was apparently in Chicago in something like a hotel or apartment complex.  I would go walk along the streets looking for something but I don’t know what.  Random people come up to me either saying greetings or just nodding.  I don’t remember what I was holding in my hand but I think it was a book of some sort.  I was interrupted by a cop who was surprisingly nice to me.  I meet this girl and I don’t remember if we talked or if there was some sort of connection at first sight but there was some good feeling about it.  I continue my walk apparently the next day (random) and I know where I am but I don’t because for some reason I keep walking and then turning back to head to the hotel/apartment but I would keep taking other turns or the path wouldn’t lead there.  While I am in another alleyway or hallway, I see a group of people, two of them i knew from high school but I only remember who one of them is right now as I type ><  They were a gymnastics team and that friend of mine did do gymnastics in high school so this section of the dream was pretty accurate.  I had a backpack and a big towel on my I remember and I would just keep walking past them and as I went along that group of people would pass by me in pairs or more just talking.  They did not notice my presence each time I walked passed.  I followed that friend and his buddies outside and it was night out.  As I continued to go on my own way, there were a few cop cars with flashing lights near a fenced area but I had no clue why.  Then the cop from earlier pulled up along the curb to where I was and got out with his partner.  They approached me and he asked what I had in my back pocket.  I said I had no clue what he was talking about.  So he comes and pulls out a pair of sunglasses (what the random?) and asks if they were mine.  At first I said no then I examine them more carefully and they were mine!  He told me to be careful and I continued to walk from there…and that’s all I remember before my dad texted me and I woke up.

Quite random and a bit blurry but dreams are like that.  There have been more interesting or dark ones before this but I shall note new ones as they come along.